What it sez on the tin. The first piece of information in DWTSS is to recognise that most of the crap we get upset about it small potatoes in the great scheme of things. Like the things that are worrying me today- the chances are that in a year I won't even remember them. Good starting idea. In terms of whether or not I'm any good at this I'd give myself a 7/10. I KNOW most of the small things, but that doesn't make me utterly immune to them. Ho hum.
I’ve been asleep for 2 hours in the last two days. Hmmm. I’m not sure whats happened to my sleep pattern, but for the past week I’ve been getting to sleep around midnight/1am and then waking up around and finding myself unable to get back to sleep again. Usually I just lie inthe dark and watch the shadows lengthen as the sun rises, or read purdy magazines until its time to get up but not today.
Had a second evening of celebrations on Friday to mark the end of my working university life at Bangor. This meant Booze and Candy. I had a wonderfully surreal moment walking home in a storm from the shop yesterday, licking a Cornetto Enigma as the rain pelted down, with nary a care in the world.
But back to today!
I went to sleep(ish) around , woke up again shortly after and just couldn’t bring myself to go back to bed. It just seemed such a waste of time, especially when I didn’t feel sleepy. So instead I got out my classy journal. The one I save for special occasions, life changing moments and deep thoughts. The last time I wrote in it was sometime in early 2009, so it was really weird to open it up and flip through nineteen year old Embly’s subconscious.
I wrote about 6 pages of babble in it, sort of assessing where I’d come from in the three years I’ve been living in Wales, and I meant to start looking at where I’m HEADING TO but I felt bad for filling up so much of the lovely journal, so I thought I’d spend the rest of my writing energy here, on the little online outlet for my thoughts.
I tend to oscillate between utterly neglecting this blog and then spamming the hell out of it with pointless updates and photos. This pretty much represents how I do everything in my life- all or nothing. No medium ground. I’m either on a diet, exercising and eating leafy things, or slumped in an alcoholic stupor, cookie and peanut butter shards trailing in my wake. I work for 16 hours a day, or watch tv for 20. I’m hoping that sometime in the future I’ll be able to navigate between the two to find some sort of happy middle place, which doesn’t involve such massive switches.
Knee Update: the doctor yesterday was utterly bleedin’ useless, and didn’t seem to any more of idea about treatment than I managed to garner from an hour on Google.
I’ve run out of uber painkillers already since sitting in a chair, banging out essays for two daysmade it fifty times worse. I’m quite glad I’ve run out because the medication made me utterly docile and retarded- made me feel like I was living inside a bubble. And while it shut down all my other aches and pains (cheers PMS, you bastard), the knee pain still was there in the background like some annoying half-tuned radio.
Went to Lower Bangor yesterday and bought a knee support doodah, and I have anti-inflamatories so that’s going to have to do until I get Xrays done (on the 24th May no less- I’m leaving Wales for good on the 8th June).
Either way, I have decided to take matters into my own hands and experiment with my knee, testing it to see what it can and can’t do.
Within the super spiffy P90X, it doesn’t like excessive weight pressure, or plyometrics, but all the upper body weight work is fine, so today I’m going to be doing lots of assisted pull-ups and press ups (urgh). I can also still do the PersonalityBreakdownYoga and the Almighty AbsRipper X (which makes me want to vom and die).
Anyways, I wanted to start a new project on here, seeing as I am now inundated with Free Time for about a month.
I’ve recently been engaging myself in the task of reading as much philosophical/occult literature as I can in an attempt to broaden my horizons and get a sense of how my own brain/belief structures work.
I started with Huxley’s accounts of mescaline use, and over the Easter holidays found some texts on it’s usage within Native American magic/spiritualism. For Easter, instead of eggles my ma got me Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, which looks at forms of rational thought and how they contribute to the construction of the modern world (and then seeks to replace them with a new form, since society at the moment isn’t exactly awesome). I also found a copy of Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff (god bless Oxfam and it’s epic book emporium at the back) which offers lots of bite-sized chunks of information regarding perception, dealing with stress and modifying behaviour. Each little idea within it is numbered, and there’s about 70, so I think it would be interesting to address one of these each day, assessing it and deciding whether or not to try and incorporate it into my own life. Or something like that :)
Breakfast calls. Or at least, I think it does. It's raining outside and a white pigeon has been sitting on my window sill staring at me. Haven't decided what I'm going to do with today yet, bar the following:
Make my nextdoor neighbour a Thnk You Card (must be posted before 12)
Skype with my ma as I got distracted by drinking and merriment last night
Walk 5 miles. Because I've been cooped up all week typing essays and I want to go and play outside.
Finish hoovering the house. Every time we've had people come to view it this week they have trapsed mud everywhere. Not Pleased.
Take laundry to be dried since the sun has gone AWOL and I've got three washes waiting to be spun.
Recent lack of posting has been due to lots of weeeeerk. But now....it's over. In the last two weeks I have:
Completed my dissertation. I actually got it to the exact word limit (8000) which made me incredibly happy, especially when I started out 2000 over the word limit. I've got two shiney black bound copies sitting in an office somewhere being marked, and I'm hoping to get a third made for my ma who isn't sick to death of it yet. I on the otherhand, do not want to read it ever again.
Written my two final pieces of coursework. Two 3500 word essays (whoops...one was 3700 but DONT TELL THE MARKERS). I did these over the last few days, banging the last one out yesterday in just under 6 hrs. Then I got drunk and ate 3 trillion bars of chocolate to celebrate.
Barring last night, my new diet regime has been going peachy. I fit back in my dress so panic levels have been lowered to Orange instead of REDOMIGODIMAWHALEANDGOINGTOHAVETOBUYANEWDRESS. Exercise has been less peachy. The P90X rolled up and I have to say I am in lurrrrve with it. It's mainly weight training based, which I've only done a few times before with Kurt's assistance, but I really like it. However, my spastic knee has decided to flare up like nobodies business,so I am banned from cardio (yah boo hiss) which makes up about 30% of the program. I also did 90 mins of hardcore yoga, which was freaking intense. Halfway through I had some sort of personality meltdown and felt terrible. Mentally, I felt totally inadequete, tired and lost. Physically it felt like I'd been hit with a truck. I don't know what long yoga sessions are meant to do to people but the devotees who say they felt 'utterly changed' after a session were not kidding. By the end of it all though I felt fantastic. So much so that I went and climbed a tree at 9pm and had a little quiet moment by myself. Good stuff. Portraits coming soon! Pretty uninspired since I'm not pleased with my body at the moment so face shots a plenty.
Finally found it. I gave up online searching since I kept gravitating towards black things, and I really wanted to suprise people with something summer-y and light. And this dress (purchased on Wednesday) fits the bill.
Now all I need to do is source some shoes and a bag to match and I am SET for SUMMER. In other news:
Spent 10 days in Torquay for Kurt's birthday. Lazed around in the jacuzzi, did lots of baking and drank heavily for four days. Weather was utterly stunning too.
Have been in Essex since last Monday during which time I have been to the spa, had a pedicure, found the above dress, been for a picnic on the beach, had a BBQ at home with buffalo sausages, made brownies, made cheese twists, made LOTS OF FOOD IN GENERAL (I'm going to have to hit the gym hard when I get back to Wales) drunk lots, been for a family meetup meal at an Italian resturant and been working on Seagoon in preperation for the launch which is TODAY!
3pm today- am setting sail after a crane lobs the boat into the water to get the boat back to Walton where she lives during the summer. This means SAILING MISSION. It also means PUB MISSION. The general rule of sailing is to sail to pubs, thus ensuing you dont have to eat canned curry heated on a tiny stove and play triominos in the dark at 10pm. Instead you can do all that at MIDNIGHT when you row back to the boat totally pissed and filled with yummy chips and other bar stuff.
Portrait Update: Bought a white lace dress (!) from H+M this week while on a mammoth shopping trip with Emfy. I've been trying to find a nice white dress for summer for about 3 years, but the last time I tried one on was told by my mother that I looked like I was going to a 'cheap wedding', which isn't exactly encouraging.
No ideas what shoes to wear with it yet but I'll meet that bridge when it's actually warm enough to wear the dress outside in the Real World.
The nearest I get to buying white girly things normally is AllSaints tees with dead birds on them.
My dissertation revisions are complete (for now). I've managed to cut 2500 words, meaning I'm just 17 words over the 8000 limit. If they really insist on 8000, I can make 17 words disappear. Either way, it's a huge relief. It's nearly done. University is nearly done. BANGOR is nearly done. It's an odd feeling. I am heading to Torquay at the end of the week for 10 days to celebrate Kurt's 21st, then its onto Essex for two weeks before I come back for exams. And then it gets interesting. Work. Finding a flat. Being GROWN UP. eeeeeek.
In the absence of any portrait updates, here is a photo of me making paella 2 weeks ago:
Posted on 2011.03.27 at 22:24 Current Mood: accomplished Tags:photography
So I didn't follow my work plan. I'm hardly suprised. Sharp, intense bursts of pure concentration are where its at for me. 8230 words done over the last two days. And that's in interludes. I've been for loads of walks, cooked for myself and Kurt (who cannot work and do anything else at the same time) maintained a lovely house (aka. chores, tidying etc) and kept on top of my exercise rota. I feel like SUPERWOMAN. Ahem. Bought myself a shiny new magazine (instead of chocolate! shockhorror) which I was planning on rewarding myself with but instead Im going to go that extra step and do some work for my critical class tomorrow. Because Im hardcore like that. Photos from this morning
A work update! After a week of faffery, I completed 4111 words yesterday. AT LAST! I'm hoping to do another 4000 words today and just have the bastard done and dusted. I'm sending it in chunks to my ma for proofreading, and then I'm going to be repeating the process with my tutor this week. By the 31st March I want the dissertation printed and at least on its way to being bound. It is suprisingly easy to write, but then I have done a stupid amount of research and am utterly convinced in my convictions. Got up at 9am (real time) but my body is angry, and believes it to be 8am. It is not happy about this. I went for a lovely walk in the sunshine yestermorn, and repeated the process today with my camera. If I have a spare moment after all the dissertation typing (and a short book on Sentimental and Sensation novels that needs reading for tomorrow morning) I may upload some of the photos I took. I've really missed camera exploration in the great outdoors (and in general) so hopefully it's something there will be more of. Finally, to my spine
Disclaimer: this is not my spine, but merely a picture to illustrate the mind-bending pain I am in. Two days ago while rambling downstairs I slipped and fell most of the way down the first flight. I didn't go down the second because luckily I broke my fall. Unluckily, it was on one of the 3 million fire extinguishers the fire department kindly filled our house with since they clearly have nothing better to do. The result is that I am crippled. I can't do any exercise involving my back (which is pretty much everything) and I REALLY can't do any ab work. Which is incredibly frustrating. I've lowered my body fat to the point where to see a six pack all I need to do is build some more muscle. And I can't do that by being in static agony. I wwas hoping to be ripped for Kurt's birthday party (there's a jacuzzi involved) but it looks like this isn't going to happen. Hmmf and tssssk.
Anyways, my brain has woken up a bit now, so it's time for the fun bit of my dissertation: medical and emotional history of mankind. Wheeeee!
I have finally read The Castle of Otranto. In fact, I have read EVERYTHING in the world on the gothic in the last two days. Day structure since Monday has been thus: Wake up. Eat breakfast. Start reading. 2pm. Stop reading, take books to library, eat lunch. 3pm. Start reading again. 8pm. Make and eat dinner. Read til midnight. Pass out. REPEAT However, stressful as it has been, I've managed to get through 8 books in two days, and 8 years of online journals. My bibliography is complete, and I have so many notes I'm going to have to spend most of today rewriting my essay plan to fit them all in. But I now know about the history of emotions, the existence of magic as science, early Greek medical theories. I have covered a time span from 4BC to the 17th century in detail, with knowledge of philosophy, psychology and physiology. I feel PREPARED. I also feel like drinking heavily, but that's going to have to wait til SUNDAY.
it exists! And by that I mean a dissertation plan. I've been plotting and planning this thing for a very long time, and in lieu of my new method of attacking essays, I set my own deadline for the dissertation. That deadline is THE END OF THE WEEK. Technically, my final cut off point (self-imposed) is Thursday 31st, but by then I want to be ready to print and bind the sucker. I'm hoping by Saturday this week to have written the beast, so I can spend the next week tweaking and primping it into perfection. I want to be able to go into the Easter holidays free of any obligation. I also have no idea where I'd get it bound in Essex, so that's another factor that's prompted my early deadlines. TEH PLANZ:
Monday (today): Complete bibliography. Collect electronic resources, make notes.Draw up final plan.
Tuesday: Introduction (500) Chapter One (2000) evidence against my theory
Wednesday: Chapter Two (2000) evidence for my theory.
Thursday: Chapter Three (1000) psychological evidence for gothic reading
Friday: Chapter Four: (1000) physiological responses to reading and supporting evidence
Saturday: Conclusion and new classification, as supported by the above theories (1500)
Total: 8000 words (hopefully)
The subject at hand- a reclassification of the gothic, contesting the statement made by the majority of literary critcs- that the gothic was born in 1764 with Horace Walpole's The Castle of Otranto. Nuh uh sez I. IT IS HAS ALWASY BEEN THERE and definitly is not a form that exists only in the novel. Poetry, the Bible, Paradise Lost.... they can all be classified as gothic under the new guidelines I'm drawing up. So..... now to start it.